date night.

regarding date night w jesus at disneyland:

"seeing minnie at disneyland is pretty great, but seeing jesus at disneyland is even better!" - rachel

let men be men.

my sign for the boys' apt.

in tokyo i learned to let men be men. figuring out how was the hardest part since i don't really like them to do things for me as i don't really appreciate acts of service as much as i ought. it's hard for me to let guys take my luggage or help me out. mostly because i think i can do a faster and better job. i'm still learning how to be flexible with that. but i've been realizing that i let men be men by asking them questions. maybe my pride resides in my intelligence so my way of submitting is to give the guy an opportunity to teach me something. i ask a lot of questions - some silly, most not - and i like to hear an answer even if it's purely opinion or hypothesis. if i respect him, i'll listen to his answer.

on a side note, i was thinking today about how awesome it will be to fall in love with the man who will be my husband. well, really it was for him to fall in love with me. hah. i was thinking that i want him to love and admire me because of my love for the Lord above all other things. that's one of those cliche things i've always wanted, but today i really thought about it and really wanted it. like the end of miss congeniality when she says "i really do want world peace." i really do want my future husband to see Jesus in me. i don't know what that looks like exactly, but i'm working on it.


[from mr. magorium's wonder emporium]
molly: mutant...when you look at me, what do you see?
henry: really pretty eyes.
molly: no. i mean...like, do you see a sparkle?
henry: you mean, now? like, glitter on your face?
molly: no, like, you know, a sparkle.
henry: i...what kind of sparkle?
molly: like...something reflective of something bigger that's trying to get out.

TOKYO.

august 5th, 2010:
finally the update.

things i learned:
- God is worthy to be praised and served even through personal sacrifice.
- die to self.
- the power of prayer.
- call to STINT?
- what community looks like.
- what leadership looks like.
- what Godly men should look like.
- healing and redemption.
- Japan is in the 10-40 window.
- being back is harder than i thought.

i want so badly to be back in japan. my heart is there. my mind is there nearly all the time. and my body is there, too. it is having a hard time adjusting back to california time.

i really don't want to blog. mostly because i dont know what to say and there is so much that can't be written down.

i miss my team so much. i wish we were all from the same place. i want to isolate myself in my room and not go out into the world. i just don't want to deal with everything right now. i feel stuck. today just flew by while i was sleeping in my bed.


----
august 22, 2010:

i was gonna blog and then i saw this draft i completely forgot about! i dont know why i didnt just post it...

anyway, i figured out what i'm going to share at church and i just finished the slides. phew. i'm glad it's done. and i'm glad i have an idea of what i'm going to say. i just hope i deliver it well because it's important info. haha funny how my main point is not any of those things i listed above: experiencing the Gospel daily. i usually miss the forest for the trees.

having the sharing stuff prepared is a huge relief. now i can enjoy my sunday. with OWL CITY & JOHN MAYER! :D

honestly.

what the heck.
seriously. what the heck.

---
today i realized i need to be more honest with myself. my auto-response to "how are you?" is always "i'm doing well." sometimes i distinguish between how well i'm doing with an exclamation versus a period. and today i realized i'm not doing well. so in a message to a friend i caught myself. and instead i said exactly how i was. it was like telling it to myself for the first time, too. i was even surprised.

maybe it's because i spent all day around jordan, but i feel the need to process this externally instead of internally. things i've been learning about myself":

1. i'm not doing too well.
my birthday was fine. but i was just floating along not really feeling in sync with my surroundings. instead, i just went with it. but what i really wanted to do was cry.

2. i need to prepare for battle.
during my date night with jesus i realized that i need to be ready for battle. i've been missing tokyo so much i forgot that i'm here in california surrounded by people who also need to hear the gospel. i want to be on mission. and since i'm here, i need to learn how to love the mission field i've been placed in.

3. i've been avoiding normal life.
it's been two weeks and i can't cope with reality. i'm not in another country. i have no excuse. i need to take some responsibility.
instead of sleeping at reasonable hours, i inadvertently keep myself up late at night remembering projects and things i "need" to do. so i'm still jet-lagged.
and i've been avoiding writing my supporters because i'm still processing what i've learned. there is so much. and my mind just can't get it all organized. my mind is frazzled.
and i've been avoiding writing any post-graduation cards because then it's like i'm really home.

pray pray pray. because every day i'm learning i'm more messed up than i thought.
but then again, that's what keeps reminding me why i need a savior. every second of every day.

finally inception.

i've been wanting to see this movie since i first saw the trailer. but then everyone made such a big deal about it that i didn't want to anymore. and then everyone had already seen it and i don't do movies alone so i was thinking of waiting. but then part of me hates watching movies with great special effects on my tv because it's just not the same and doesn't do any justice to the people who spent weeks working on it...so i saw it last night with my dad.

and i loved it.

for the following reasons:
1. ellen page. i just love everything she does.
2. architecture. it was mentioned. but also, the sets were really great. modern + craftsman style, i couldn't resist.
3. joseph gordon-levitt. he's brilliant and hilarious. and looks good doing it.
4. marion cotillard. i was pleasantly surprised to see her in the movie! she's one of my favorite actresses i think.

not my favorite scene, but a neat shot.

they are really cute together.

hello thursday.

i dreamt about project last night. not surprising considering i was up at 2am thinking about what i learned from project. how could a week go by that quickly???

i woke up in the morning [decidedly not like p diddy] at 8am and went for a run with my dad. it was a different route so i can't compare, but my endurance needs work.

p.s.- the calluses on my fingertips are gnarly. my fingers are seriously wrecked. hopefully that's directly proportional to skill level and i'll play better haha

covet.

i also want these. but i can only justify buying one. the first is a polaroid that pops out these adorable sized photos that i love and have wanted for a long long time now. but i already have a nice camera. in fact, i have a perfectly good esv bible, too. and how terrible is it to be coveting a bible? gahhh..but it's like the baby of moleskine + esv. who doesn't want that???

grab my glasses, i'm out the door, i'm gonna hit this city.

i want/need new black sunglassies bc mine broke and all i'm left with are these blue ones that don't really go with everything. so if i'm getting black ones, i want them to be like this:

breakfast at tiffany's, of course.

now here's where it gets difficult...i need help. there are four options. they're all the same price. they all look kind of similar, but i'm still not sure which ones i like/which ones are the most audrey-ish. did i mention that audrey-ability is one of the criteria? haha and here we go:

option 1.

option 2.

option 3.

option 4.

post-project cleaning.

monica's secret closet.

last night i watched the one with the stain right before bed [as per my new nightly routine, so its like rachel, summer, and i are watching friends all together] and it motivated me to clean my room for this week. it's my weekly goal. ambitious, right?

and i'm FINALLY going to get a new moleskine today! yayyy! i feel like i can't process my tokyo trip without journalling it out. and i can't journal it out without a sufficient journal. yea, i know, i'm a kook, too.

paul frank.

these are my new headphones for my very old ipod. how cute are they??? lol plus they're gonna be great when i'm on the plane and needing to cancel out the noise. i'm so excited to use them! :D

monica.

i want my hair to grow out like monicas. lol
watching friends whilst packing is so good :]

post-grad.

disclaimer: i'm so tired, which means there is bound to be typos galore and bad grammar. but i'm finally done.

and i'm all moved out.
and the email i was expecting today never came. so i'm thinking it never will, which is fine with me.

today:
woke up @8...then 805...810...815...820...830.
left LA @9.
arrived at apartment @1045.
cleaned. scrubbed. vacuumed. wiped. moved.
teary goodbye with summer and rachel. if i think about it too much i might start crying again. so moving right along:
carpet man didn't come until i called him @1230.
dropped off keys.
went to sbucks and gave the cashier 3 $5s and 2 quarters when the total was $7.30...and then i turned around and saw my phone lying on a table waiting for me to lose it. i was really really tired.
went to the bkstore and bought my 20% off ucsb tshirt.
took alona's postcard to the bella.
dropped off the cable box @cox.
4pm: went to the shack @carp. (its really called the spot, but i really have a hard time remembering that)
stopped in camarillo. went to the disney outlet and almost bought myself an $8 naveen doll. but i really wanted a tiana and there were none. it took all of my willpower to leave when selena was singing "naturally" on the tv.
bought some tokyo-appropriate clothing that were some good deals :] (i dont know how to make that grammatically correct right now)
listened to wicked on the way home.
tried to get internet on my laptop, but it can't find the network. and now i'm bummed bc i really wanted to see if rach & sum had come home to the virtual apartment we share.
oh and i checked gold and i passed my feminism+art history class! whew, i was really worried. my gpa's shot, but at least i dont have to redo anything.
i think i'm gonna get in bed and then spend all day tomorrow unpacking and finding my stuff. and painting my nails with the amazing new polish i bought with rachel and matches with summer. haha

kathleen kelly.

this is my favorite movie.
and she's one of the best heroines ever written.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."

the beginning of the end.

after only a couple hours of that sleep you cry yourself to, i woke up and was so out of it i thought maybe i dreamt up evvvverything from yesterday. turns out, nope. i'm still waiting on that heartbreaking email to come my way.


this song has been stuck in my head since the idol finale [man is she wonderful], but only recently was i listening to the words. & now it's on the rotation.

Undo It
carrie underwood.

I should have known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should have walked but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame for falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be the way it was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame for playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same and, oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na

You want my future, you can't have it
http://www.elyricsworld.com/undo_it_lyrics_carrie_underwood.html
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

i wish i could go back to college.

freshman year. de ja vu.

We could be...
Sitting in the computer lab,
4 A.M. before the final paper is due,

Cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,
And seeing the rest of the class there, too!

memorable quote of the day.

"if i didn't hate the devil before, i definitely do now."


today's blessings:

1. rachel & sum.
i really needed the laughs and sympathy today.

2. a+ paper.
but that's not the only reason i liked my TA. she gave me some of the best comments i've ever received.

3. watching the undie run.
lol it's just SO isla vista. or as rachel says, sodom and gomorrah.

4. only $35 away from my support goal!!!
woo hoo! tokyo here i come!

story of our lives.

[on deciding which FRIENDS character is our favorite]
Rachel: It's a hard question. It's like trying to choose between your mom and your dad.


and for some reason, this was even more hilarious than usual to us:
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye. And it hurts!

pomp & circumstance.

graduation is in 5 days...

- i've got my cap that makes my hair all funny and my face look weird bc my hair is too short.
- i've got my gown that's hanging in my bathroom waiting to scare me because it looks like lord voldemort flying by my sink. but at least its black so it matches my shoes. lol
- and i'm going to get my cord and stole today or tomorrow.
- and i've got one more final and an essay to write.

i want more time.

mr. sandman, bring me something else.

it's time for bed and i don't want to get ready because i know my dreams are going to make me sad. whenever i dream, daniel is in it and whenever he's in it, we're back together. but this last wave of dreams have been the moment of revelation and reconciliation. which is so much worse when i wake up.

so much for sweet dreams.

memorial day weekend.

super old. i just found this draft buried alllll the way down there. oops.


1. i <3 lily.
and i'm glad estephanie has figured out what "less than three" means :]

2. este maria singing "sausages sausages" to the savages song in pocahontas. and her "take it out" story.

3. rach n sum time. all the time. <3

4. operatic singing and the kendra voice all the way home. :]

what are the odds?

1. bstudy last night.
how often is it that you get to have a scientific discussion on the overwhelming evidence of a Creator God? rachael and danae are so awesome. and wow, God is so incomprehensible.

2. class canceled.
how often is it that class gets canceled and you get to sit in starbucks catching up on reading and eating a chocolate croissant and a latte? :]

3. art movie tonight.
how often are you required to watch an art documentary for class with kathryn, one of the most wonderful girls in santa barbara?

4. [hopefully this will come to fruition] late night $1 taco's @chino's w rachel and franklin. :]
now how often does that happen?

family.

1. iron man 2 w daddy.
i love pepper pott's clothes :] check out that awesome twist in the front of that polka dot shift dress! it's so beautiful, it should be art.
and they mentioned barnett newman by name! (an artist i learned about this year in contemporary art history)
and it was great. dare i say even better than the first? well, i liked it more because pepper had a bigger role.

2. dodgers v. detroit.
great seats: behind home plate, row L!
and i just looove watching the dodgers win whilst enjoying a dodger dog + peanuts!

3. robin hood.
i really did like robin hood, too, although others apparently did not. i didn't think it was slow and it didnt seem long to me either.

4. chicken dinner.
recipe by julia child. pretty much says it all.

5 should be the LOST finale, but it was unsatisfactory, so i'll say:
-1. LOST finale.

in the bag.

andy's bag.

something i love for whatever reason is looking at the contents of someone's bag. lol

this was probably born from looking in my mom's purse to find gum or chapstick or something. but i really REALLY like knowing what other people have in their purses. so much so that i have a little collection of images on my external hard drive of photos of what's in people's bags.
maybe it's the way magazines photograph products like real simple often does with their make-up layouts. or maybe it's my need to have things organized and the way i lay all my things out on my bed before i pack it up. probably all of the above.

i love her purse pic.

do you seeeeee all the things in there? i want a bag like this. it's like a survival kit in a bag - disposable toothbrushes, contact case, fold-up scissors, mini nail files, tide to go, and antibac. we've got a wallet (and separate coin purse), a checkbook, a coupon book, a paper notebook and calendar, anddd a keyring with those mini gift card/frequent buyer cards. she is super prepared. down to the 5 back-up pens to the pencil and a sharpie for those moments when a pen just doesn't cut it.

sophia coppola for LV.

hanneli's bag.

hanneli's is my absolute favorite. from the proenza bag to the canon to the ysl wallet. and all the lovely grey colors. :] i love grey.

these just make me want to gather all my things together. good thing, too, because i'm going to need to start packing for camping!

silver lining.

trying to go back to the good things:

1. despite the no stove/oven, no microwave, no toasters, etc. i've had enough milk and cereal to suffice as meals.

2. after staying up real late working on a 7-page paper that i was pretty sure was just a string of jumble words ending with a period, jon flores offered to edit my paper for me and he really did a good job. i am soooo appreciative of that boy. and i did indeed [hand]write him a thank you card. (im trying to bring those back. lol)

3. ya gotta love these prints. they're cheeky and simply delightful. and i want to decorate my future house with them :]

one of my absolute faves.

this reminds me of relient k now.

the laker colors is what made me really like this print.

and this is just great.

procrastinate now.

@830 am - woke up.
@9 am - breakfast.
@10 am - researching blog hosting sites. bc i'm thinking about doing a diff blog for japan.
@11am - decide i should shower.
@1110 am - alona's in the bathroom. decide i'll just be gross so i change out of my jammy jams.
@1120 am - decide that i really should shower. shower.
@12 pm - decide i need coffee to start writing. go to sbucks for my favorite toffee nut latte :] and it's so good
@1220 pm - decide i need music to write. proceed to dl nick jonas + the administration bc i realize i don't have it.
@1230 pm - decide i should warm up to the writing by blogging abt my schedule. also, made a paper writing playlist appropriately titled "paper two soundtrack."
@1 pm - start paper.

condition christine.

by army of freshmen.

Lost my troop my parachute
Through neighborhoods in hot pursuit
I landed on little league fields
Now no more war games this is real
Hopping fences parking lots
Their blaring sirens firing shots
I crawl through woods through poison oak
The rendezvous points up in smoke

Three more miles to go

Christine I'm in no condition
To be put through this science fiction
Welcome to your rescue mission
I am here to save you

Do everything the message said
When hell breaks loose under the bed
If you hear screams and cries downstairs
No matter what don't go down there
If there's footsteps in the hall
Don't make a single sound at all
And when the doors thrown open wide
Just pray it's me on the other side

[how much does this sound like that scene in taken ??]

One more mile to go

Christine I'm in no condition
To be put through this science fiction
Welcome to your rescue mission
I am here to save you

Mayday mayday fading fast
I'm shell shocked from the mortar blast
I'm on the edge of your backyard
I think I can distract the guards

D day D day here at last
Soon this will be in the past
If I don't make it out alive
At least you'll know how hard I tired

Christine I'm in no condition
To be put through this science fiction
Welcome to your rescue mission
I am here to save you

Christine I'm in no condition
To be put through this science fiction
Welcome to your rescue mission
I am here to save you
I am here to save you
I am here to save you
I am here to save you


i think this might be the best song yet with my name in it.

conversations.

im writing my paper -well, let me be honest- i'm supposed to be writing my paper for my new testament literature class. and it's killing me slowly. i'm so distracted right now. and i feel terrible because i'm reading scripture for my sources and i dont know why, but i just feel like im slighting God by not really wanting to do this or read any of the gospels right now.

instead, i'm just having the same conversation with God over and over. like in a 5 minute loop. and it goes something like this:

Me: Lord, why do you put these desires in me? Why are they there? What are they for if I'm not supposed to act on them?
God: Christine -
Me: And why can't you just let me know about the future? What does your plan look like? Am I even close to getting it? Because I know what I want and I hope that what You want looks a lot like what I want. I just want to know...
God: Christine, you don't need to know.
Me: Oh, right. Duh. I'm sorry, I'll let You be God. You're better at it anyway.[pause]
Me: So, wait. When you say I don't need to know...etc. etc. etc.


update.
the convo has changed to become:

God: Do you love me?
Me: Yes.
God: Do you love me more than everything else?
Me: Of course.
God: Do you love me more than anyone else?
Me: I really want to...Lord, I want to loosen my grip on this idol in my life. But I'm afraid You'll take it away.
God: Do you trust me?
Me: ...Yes.
God: Then let go.

(my favorite part is jasmine's skeptical face right after this.)

surprise surprise :]

so i came home this weekend and my mom told me we were going to do something friday night, but that it was a surprise and i'd need a cocktail dress and heels.

my cousin tracy arrives and we get ready for the surprise while i change like 5 times. then my parents come home and we drive to the mysterious restaurant. turns out, it's a tapas restaurant and they are famous for their sangria - as it was described on the menu, an "especialty drink" lol so of course, we order some and it was very sweet and delicious. after dinner, we get back in the car and drive around looking for our next destination which wasn't apparent until we pulled into the driveway: the magic castle!!! [no pictures bc there's no photography inside]


we arrived @730, just in time for the 8 o' clock "big" show. david deeble was our hilarious emcee and entertainer with some "face juggling" of a billiard ball and a ping pong ball. he really likes to balance things on his face. like flaming marshmallows. lol jason andrews performed with a silent act set beautiful music. it was just so enchanting. he was followed by trevor watters and lorena who did lots of slapstick comedy magic.

then we went to see our family friend, jason tong perform close-up card and coin magic. it was so great to see him work and he's so quick i still can't figure out how he did the tricks! :] after that, we went to see another show but was stopped at the bar by magician george millward who did quite a few tricks for us with cards, coins, cups and balls, and a glass. he was very good. i was just across the counter from him and his sleight of hand got me every time. haha

george finished right when a show was starting so we got to sit for that, too. two magicians, bruce gold and dave cox, collaborated to come up with this evil twins routine that was very funny, but also required a lot of audience participation so that made tracy and me quite nervous because we absolutely did not want to be up there. by the time that ended, it was past midnight so we called it a night, but not before running into a group of friends from church!

maybe i do like surprises now!

life's little quirks.

these things just make me SO happy!

matching laptops w my roomie

peanut butter cookiewich with coffee ice cream. :]

and best of all, my screensaver!

"do ya like caaats?"

i totally forgot to post these pics from our cats don't dance night! rachel and i went over to summer's to watch a childhood fave complete with a cheesecake and a dessert wine and a wonderful sleepover :]

my friends call me whiskers + cats don't dance

our special reserve label: la fantasia

our designated zones

far longer than forever.

is how long this weekend should have lasted. :] after feeling so attacked in the friendship area, after this weekend, i know for sure that i'm back on solid ground.

5/16-- that's what i wrote when we got back, and now i'm going to finish this post by transcribing all the memories from the moleskine:



FRIDAY

drove down.
-our soundtrack: princess & the frog, legally blonde.

del taco for lunch. (well really for the shakes)

target!
-spotted: lauren english's ring that we all wanted (i still do) & a claddagh ring! who knew they had those at target? rachel also bought the nail polish of the weekend: snappy "sappy" sorbet! so we all had friendship nails, including sam! :]

whilst waiting for the boys to arrive, we watched glee, ellen, and friends - faves.

jake and stephen arrive.
-house tour

sunset.
-sat on fence and had a photoshoot whilst we waited.
-laid in street like in "the notebook"
-sam and i kept popping our heads up bc no one else was watchin out
-yelled "car!" and everyone jumped up and scattered
-then the car pulled into a driveway before it came to us lol

back at the house.
-set up tents, get supplies - pizza, s'mores fixins, gran spumante
-"mushrooms? for savory s'mores?" - and stephen stole my line
"the hot tub" + pool time.
-w/the "graaan spumaaantee"
-allll the "would you rather?"s
-"summer, don't eat the poop." -rachie lol
-marco polo
fire time.
-stephen made the fire!
-s'mores and more talk talk talking until 530am
tents.
-jake & stephen more mini tent into big tent haha
-stephen does harry caray [snl] right before we drift off to sleep lol

SATURDAY

wake up late.

have a chat w sum's dad
-he made us a pancake breakfast!

swim time! :]
-and left-over cold pizza. yum!
-the "a little bit colder now!" & elmo story is told
-soundtrack: switchfoot, roonie, and the jo bros make for sum good background music
-"this is what we do" [we cry]
-loquats! from sum's neighbor's tree
-pinching ea other
-rachel & the legs lol
-rachel as scuttle hearing sum's heartbeat - soooo great. "yes. good."
-whirlpool, link elbows, "this is a what," and the human knot...pretty much all at once
-stephen & jake's songwriting - "lookin like a fool with ants in your pants" haha
-"that's huggable."
-"one for the moleskine."
-"why don't you like that?" led to "you like that...?" [in a creeper way]
-"doorbells" [snl]
-"friends?" "yes" - trying to guess where the reference is from
-oh and summer attempting to save us from drowning :]

bbq.
-turkey burgers, corn, watermelon! mmm :]
-soundtrack: colbie caillat perfection
-word of the moment: "mellow"
-stephen does harry caray for sam
-lakers win! 3-0 :D

bjs.
-our theme song: "far longer than forever" in car - rachel cries, i'm pretty close
-pazookie platter! and the smooooth root beer! so delicious.
-our server for the night: weird shane, "here i am" lol
-stephen aka debbie downer
-the boys pay - "wait, is this a date?" haha
-sit in the toasty toaster and play "far longer than forever" for the guys - naturally, i cry this time

drive home.
-reminisce and reflect on how crazy we are. "we're all mad"
-so tired. "we're so drunk!" [friends]
-soundtrack: gavin degraw, the fray
-what if....the guys met our future boyfriends? it would go something like this:
-"so what did you guys think?"
-"a little bit duller now"
-"let me ask ya one question: do ya like caaats?"
-"why don't you liiike that?"

EPIC love.

i have no pictures of these things, but it was one loooooong, good night. one might even say it was epic. :]

it started off with the EPIC boys making a grand sister appreciation dinner for us gals. it was really something and there was plenty of food for everyone! the guys even got all dressed up in ties and some sweater vests :] those boys got style.

then we headed over to russell's house to visit bc he couldn't come to EPIC w his torn mcl/acl, so we came to him. and prayed over him like a family should. best part of that was kathryn parking in this amazingly teeny spot. but she did it! and we had a fun time trying to get out. w albert laughing at us and nicky waiting for us to pull out.

afterwards, nina, kathryn, and i went to the plex to watch the newest glee, complete with a cameo by olivia newton john!

and then we gathered our studying materials (bc we all had a midterm the next morning @930) and pancake supplies and headed to the dorms to bless the API floor of san nic with midnight pancakes. it was so wonderful that even tho most of us had midterms the next day, we still came out to make pancakes for freshies in the middle of the night. and we tried to study together whilst welcoming people. but by the end of the night, we were way past delusional. kathryn kept saying "i love strawberries" randomly throughout the night. she was tiiired.

best moment:
nicky was being all nostalgic toward the door of the rm grant and jt shared freshmen year, but every time we stopped by it, the guys who lived there were either outside, lookin at us funny, or just abt to open the door. hehe

cabin time.

[5/16 - wow, i tried to finish this post, but i really couldnt remember what we did...but something is better than nothing, right? this really does the weekend no justice]

went to ashley's cabin for the weekend with rachel, shea, gaby, sarah gasca, and of course ashley. such lazy fun!

FRIDAY
claimed our rooms - rachel and i shared the toy room complete with a train and a lion on my bed just like the lion my grandma had at her house lol
then we had our family-style dinner of pizza and spaghetti while gaby and i watched the lakers win against the thunder. such a crazy great game and i wanted to text someone about it, but we had no internet or cellphone service. so i just had to keep my love of pau gasol to myself.

SATURDAY
next morning i slept in and had some crazy weird dreams. then we got ready for what ashley didn't really consider a hike.


we had some goooood hiking time complete with silly poses with icicles and the waterfall and the small stream of snowmelt. shea and i reenacted paintings we just learned about in class.


how great is that? we took so many good pictures along the hike! and it was so beautiful although challenging on the way up. oh! and we crossed a mountaineer woman yodeling on the trail. that was different haha
after hiking, rachel and i did some studying in the room and later that night we had some more pasta for dinner and some cheap gross wine. ick. but we made up for it later with s'mores and a great big fire. then we popped some popcorn and decided to watch american pie by process of elimination bc it wasn't scary. then bc it was only 10 when the movie ended, we watched the sequel, too. o man what gross and terrible movies.

SUNDAY
we cleaned everything up, took a bunch of pictures of the cabin and then wrote in the guest book and said our goodbyes.

what dreams are made of.

for a couple weeks now, i've been getting terrible sleep. well, lack of it really. i've been having that fitful sleep you get when you're anxious and you wake up every hour or so. but i haven't been that anxious about anything.

i've also been having very vivid dreams that manipulate my emotions because daniel's been in every one of them. and in the dreams we're always still dating and holding hands. but the dreams end either happy or bad because we get in a fight and i wake up angry. in both cases, i wake up in a weird mood.

last night, alona and i talked about it and i found out she had been having nightmares, too. so she suggested we pray for our sleep before bed (now i'm realizing why its traditional to pray before bed).

and our prayers were answered. we both still had odd dreams (mine still had daniel in it), but neither of them impacted how we started our day. and i slept through the entire night! super restful sleep. thank you Lord!

story of my life.

kendra: i'm going to go on a diet, starting like right this second. ooh! look! a candy store! can we go there??? i want candy.


i've recently realized i've developed a post-boyfriend layer of softness around my middle. that's what you get when you use food as a coping mechanism. [enter friends reference here.]
so not ideal.

btw, i wrote this whilst eating hot cheetos and drinking a coke. im making abt the same effort as kendra up there.

passion and purity.

"There is no ongoing spiritual life without this process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul." - Elisabeth Elliot

mr. magorium's wonder emporium.

what a delightful movie. dustin hoffman and natalie portman were such charming character's. i want to own this movie.

i wish my hair was like natalie portman's.

movie quotes to take home with you:

mr. magorium: 37 seconds.
molly: Great. Well done. Now we wait.
mr. magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.

molly: come on, you can do better than that. move! all right. dont worry. if you fall, i'll just pick you back up. move!


if 37 seconds is a lifetime, then the 45 days left until graduation is nothing to worry about yet, so i'm not gonna. just like tonight after epic we went to on the side (for the $.50 per hot wing deal) afterward for food and fellowship. even though i really shouldn't have bc i really needed to do some reading and get to sleep before my long day tomorrow. but i didnt even think abt that until after i got home @1030p and watched mr. magorium w/ alona instead. and hanging out with epic was pretty great. i'm glad i went and i got to hang out with jenn more. she's great and i hope i get to know her better this next month because i would like to keep in touch with her.

p.s.- i just checked my email and my professor, prof. monahan, really is great with answering emails. she was so nice about answering my questions on the reading. wow, i really like her.

p.p.s.- game 5 of the laker-thunder nba playoffs was such a morale booster. i just want that to go down in the record. we played like champs!

passion & purity.

[by elisabeth elliot]

i am loving this book. it's exactly what i've been needing w nba playoffs and disneyland and all. i'm a little obsessed with elisabeth elliot right now. she's awesome.


"discipleship usually brings us into the necessity of choice between duty and desire. they are not always mutually exclusive, however. when our hearts are set on obedience, we can be sure of the needed wisdom to tell the difference between a conflict and a harmony. it may be a slow and painful process."

"rainbows are made of sunlight and rain."

"the Holy Spirit was given to guide us into all truth, but He doesn't do it all at once."


psalm 73:25
whom have i in heaven but you?
and there is nothing on earth that i desire besides you.

sisterly bonding.

gaby and i went to woodstocks, shared a pepperoni pizza, and watched game 2. it was GREAT. woodstocks was also doing trivia at the same time so we attempted to answer random trivia questions on nicholas cage and white nba players. and of course, we justified doing all this because we brought some materials to study during commercials and half time. lol

then shea met us at woodstocks and i made her read this wonderful statement in our art history reader regarding 16th century reproductive myths/practices:

"Consequently, the physicians concluded, the woman wishing to conceive a male child should turn to her right side during or immediately after intercourse. The future father, similarly, should provide seed from his right testicle, although this is admittedly harder to control."

...i should think so. haha we had such a good laugh before heading over to iv theater to watch sherlock holmes. gaby and i were disappointed bc the game still had 8 minutes left. but i was recording it so we decided we'd watch the movie and then go back to my apt and watch the last 8 minutes.

the movie was quite entertaining and we've decided that we want to talk like watson and holmes all the time. gaby liked it so much she said she'd buy the movie! and at full price, too!

well, after the movie ended, gaby and i went to watch the end of the game, but the recording stopped at the last 30 seconds. the longest game ever. so we looked to see if the game was replaying on fox sports and it was! ...but it was at the last 7.5 minutes of the 4th quarter! so we watched it again just to see the laaaast play. and we were so relived to finally know how the game ended @ 1 in the morning after dodging texts during the movie. but seriously. the never ending game.

and gaby just txtd me saying the game is on tv again. what a frustrating game.


i love gaby.

speak to me.

[by evan wickham]

You spoke a word the universe awoke in brilliant light
And gracefully galaxies adorned the ancient night
You speak Your heart reveal Your thoughts for every fallen tear
The power of perfect love has overcome all fear

Speak to me, Father I am listening
I’m confident Your promises are all I need
Speak to me, Heaven’s perfect mysteries
Oh Comforter, Your healing Word is all I need so speak to me

You spoke a word Your voice was heard beyond the holy veil
That One would come Your only Son whose blood would never fail
And now I see the mystery Your purpose I have learned
My sacrifice is Jesus Christ the very Living Word


amen.

gilmore girls induced anxiety.

today i watched a gilmore girl marathon and finished season 7. man i forgot how much i love that show. i totally made myself a cup of coffee and cried at the end. and txtd my mom. but i wish i called her. i want my mommy. to give me a motivating speech and tell me im going to be alright after college. just like when she flew to st. louis and we sat in the car -i think it was raining, too- and i just cried and cried in the rental car with that new-ish car smell having a breakdown because i wanted to transfer but i wasnt sure if i could. and she said that i'd have regrets either way, but i could do whatever i wanted.

i totally feel like rory right now. turned away my boyfriend -and it really does come in waves, "big waves and really close together"- and sending out lots of letters (hers were resumes, mine are support lol) and being frustrated because everything i've really strived for, i've gotten. until now.

just like rory, i was accepted to but turned down my "dream college." went to a washington university in st. louis, ranked 12th in the nation (better than usc actually, tied with northwestern this year). and whose architecture program was one of the top 10 in the nation. when i wanted to transfer, i got in here at ucsb with a major that i love and professors i've really gotten to know and who like me.

but now i'm completely feeling like rory who's freaking out because suddenly i dont know what my next goal is or even if i'm smart enough or friendly enough (bc i suck at interviews -like chandler) to get into another school or get a job. i'm sure i sound whiny and bratty and slightly arrogant right now but im thinking i shouldnt censor this because when i go through these archives, i want to remember how stressed i was and unsure. and i'll look back and go, "why was i worried at all. of course God used it for His glory. silly me...how naive." because that's exactly what i said when i was a freshman in college and again as a junior transfer. and yet, i'm still anxious.


you of little faith, why are you so afraid? -Jesus [matthew 8:26]
you of little faith, why did you doubt? -Jesus [matthew 14:31]

4.13.

(backwards pi day!)

i wrote this down in my moleskine, but didn't blog it...it said the following:

tonight was blogworthy. not that anything else hasn't been, but i've been very VERY lazy/busy. lol
-rory's vball game
-teacup chihuahua puppy!
-walking tour of DPHS courtesy of jake + stephen
-singing at the outdoor bleachers
-jake+stephen climbing the tree
-seeing the classrooms where jake learned physics and where kim johnson (jack johnson's wife) taught stephen something
-pretending to be in buffy/prison
-stephen running away bc jake set off the prison "alarm" ...then doubling back and running the other way. priceless.
-then scaring us when we followed him.
-looking at the stars, singing to evangeline, and trying to find the big dipper & north star.
-ending the night with a silly photoshoot. also priceless.
-being sad htat we only have 60 days left of hanging out together. not much time at all...

things i was looking forward to...
-lost with carissa and rachel that night.
-sum letting me borrow buffy season 2!
-our weekend plans (which included cats dont dance, rachel's fantasia wine, and cheesecake)
-making gumbo (which became jambalaya, really)


and i should mention that yesterday was super great too:
-slept over @ sums
-rachel & i had breakfast burritos at super cucas
-jesus loves iv! (cleaned 3 houses w our bstudy girls!)
-sushi @ goleta sushi house (mmm!)
-going to the drive-in w rach, sum, and carissa to see ferris beuller :]

so satisfying.


p.s.- today rachel and i tried out on the side and it is my new favorite restaurant! :]
1. black straws.
2. friendly service.
3. good fries.
4. reeeaaally good bbq sauce.
5. they serve coca cola.
6. you can always see the score on tv no matter where you're sitting. :D

man, i'm a booooring blogger right now.

the office.

for some reason, my mind keeps going back to this scene when i'm walking along on campus and i want it on the record. bc this is what i was thinking around this time, almost 3 months of being a single lady.


Pam:
Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you.


...and bc that was a bit of a downer, the single ladies vid. juuuust kidding lol. its a parody of a parody. [w one of summer's leading men.]

o what a beautiful morning!

i will blog again later, but i just had to mention this great morning.

woke up earlyyy and had some good Jesus time.
then had a good coffee, gilmore, nail-painting breakfast time. :]

its like a sunday morning.

gifts.

last night, gaby, ashley, rachel and i watched sleeping beauty, cinderella, and beauty and the beast to celebrate "tomb day" (in that order). ending with my favorite disney classic was pretty great but my favorite part is definitely when the beast gives belle the library. i'm a big fan of libraries and those gliding ladders and this just hits the spot. i love when he gets so excited and upon seeing how happy she is, says, "then it's yours!" i'm pretty sure i'm never going to get over my library love.



...and today we celebrate the best. gift. ever.

luke 24:1-6

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. ²They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, ³but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. ⁴While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. ⁵In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? ⁶He is not here; he has risen!

once upon a time.

at the airport coming home from st. louis, my flight was delayed for a bit and since i had slept in i knew i wouldn't be asleep for the whole plane ride so i went to buy a magazine to pass the time. i was looking at the huge wall lined with magazines and i couldn't decide on which one. because if i was going to buy a magazine, i'd better really like it and it'd better last me the whole time. i looked at dwell, but i wasn't interested. then i was looking for real simple, but it wasn't with the other home magazines. but i caught a glimpse of martha stewart's magazine by the fashion magazines so i moved over there and a woman walked up pushing her stroller to the same section. and every magazine i was considering, she picked up to look at, too...
i may look 16, but apparently i'm pushing 35. with a baby to boot.

@ wash u.

i'm on campus drinking a latte (hot, bc its chilly here) and reading and i feel like rory at yale. i miss it here.

meet me in st louis.

no sleep.
no shower.
no breakfast.
no cell phone.
no luggage.
...all before 730am.

that's how my morning started when i flew to st louis. but at least i finished julie&julia, which i would NOT recommend by the way. the movie is so much more enjoyable. (and it only takes a couple hours to get through.)

but i left my cell phone in my room, so i had to use a pay phone to call kara (the only number i had) to get lucy's number to get picked up from the airport. but lucy was already driving around the airport looking for me. oops :/ FINALLY, i found lucy (in julia's car) and got picked up.

jilly's.
+ lucy.
since i hadn't eaten anything all day and slept the entire way on the flight, we went to jilly's a cupcake shop for a snack. the cupcakes were HUGE.

my truffle cheesecake cupcake + much needed coffee.


lucy + hazelnut milk + german chocolate cupcake.

studio.
+ michael.
after arriving at wash u, i met up with michael @studio and tried to envision myself back in architecture. kinda freaked myself out. but seeing daniel jacobs (aka dj) and jacob bloom (aka ingdales) and leaving a note for missy helped me remember good studio memories.

happy hour.
+ ruby 3.
went with michael to the gargoyle (the basement room underneath the student center, like the hub i guess) where we met up with cassie, negin, david, ben, morgan, mike, jon, and jeff for free pizza, cookies, soda and beer, but line was so long i barely got a slice of pizza.

blues vs. kings.
+ free hot dog and drink!
afterward, i met up with lucy, kara, nick, and stephen and we got subsidized tickets to the st. louis blues hockey game and they just happened to be playing the LA kings! so i silently cheered for the kings while lucy sat next to me rooting for the blues. i have diagnosed her with sports tourettes. lol

my first hockey game!

blueberry hill.
+ darts!
after the game, we were a teensy bit hungry so stephen suggested blue hill for darts, deep fried cheddar balls, and a pitcher. we played boys vs. girls and we were at a serious disadvantage. boys won both games, but it was sure fun!

some tasty beer.

the winners: boys.


but the girls didnt do so bad + i hit a bullseye!

to blog or not to blog.

[haha, perfectly cliche title right?]

the question is: for summer project, should i blog about it here, make a new blog just for project, or send email updates to my supporters? i'd rather just blog here, but then that means all my supporters will be able to see all my silly antics and things. which i dont think i'd mind, but it just seems weird to tell everyone to "check out my blog" haha and i dont think i'd want to make a new blog either. so emails..? what do you think?

momentum.

4/28/10 - i never finished this post, but i'm kind of okay with leaving it like this.


what a weekend.

lovely time spent with jenna, megan, and sara.

desperately trying to avoid daniel and feeling like i shouldn't really be there.

but feeling affirmed in my decision to go to tokyo.

a really encouraging talk with lauren.

monday monday.

first official day of spring break!

last night, we had oden w/baachan.
sooo yummy. today, derek and i had it for lunch.

oden! mmmm :]

then derek and i took the car through the colorful car wash (which i did with rachel once before).

the colors! look how fun we were having! lol

mcdonalds run.
we tried out the new blended mochas and derek wanted 20pc chicken nuggets, but they only gave us 2 packets of sauce, so we asked for more and they gave us a ton:

what a steal.

then we went home and did a whole lotta cleaning with my brother.

i also made more granola! but derek and i snacked on it all day and so the whole corner is gone:

love this stuff.

and ate a julia child dinner. a reward for a hard day's work. :D
i bought the dvd for mom for mother's day, but dad watched it first. and then dad was so inspired, he bought the cookbook and made us chicken flambee.

clockwise from top left: the novel + cookbook; best kettle chips ever as a cooking snack;
flambee!; julia child's chicken with potatoes in a creamy mushroom sauce.

also, i forgot to mention that my brother and i are doing a harry potter movie marathon. 6 movies, 3 days!

_____________
the days following this one were much of the same. filled with sleeping in, lots of japanese food, cleaning, and of course, harry potter. unfortunately, we didn't get to #6, but that's the most recent so its okay.